


Alone

by Veron104_alterlove



Series: Druck-works [4]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Pain, breakdown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 14:37:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18470986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veron104_alterlove/pseuds/Veron104_alterlove
Summary: He couldn’t breath. He tried to take in oxygen, but all that came in was carbon dioxide. He had to breath, and only knew one way to do it. He screamed, found an empty beer bottle, and threw it to the door. It smashed, leaving pieces of broken shards on the wooden floor. Luckily Hans wasn’t here, or else he would have begun to worry.





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Another tumblr prompt (@veron104)

He stormed into the flat. He was mad, sad, fucking upset, but only at himself. Of course David didn’t want to be with him. What was he thinking? He slammed the door loudly and walked to his room, slammed that door too, and locked it. He didn’t bother turning on the lights, the street light coming through the window was enough for him to see and know where everything was.

 

He couldn’t breath. He tried to take in oxygen, but all that came in was carbon dioxide. He had to breath, and only knew one way to do it. He screamed, found an empty beer bottle, and threw it to the door. It smashed, leaving pieces of broken shards on the wooden floor. Luckily Hans wasn’t here, or else he would have begun to worry. 

 

The more things he destroyed, the less closed off his throat felt, which allowed him to take in some oxygen, at last. He threw another bottle to the door, and another, and another, until he was out of them. That was the advantage of having a dirty room, there were always too many things in there, all over the place, that made it easier for Matteo to find new things to break. 

 

He found some glasses from the kitchen, sitting on his bedside table. He grabbed them, and one by one, began to smash them against the door too. He couldn’t help it, really, as funny as it sounds, it helped him. Why did it help him? Because it made him feel. At the moment, he didn’t care if he was feeling anger, rage, frustration, humiliation, or devastation, but at least he could feel. He could feel something, which was better than nothing and feeling numb. He hated that feeling, because it was what he usually felt towards most things. The numbness reminded him of the fact that he was alone, that no one understood him. He hated being alone. It was the worst thing in the world to him. With David, he wasn’t, and because of David, he was. 

 

He ran out of glasses eventually, and thought about what else was breakable. He looked around, and saw his clothes, just laying on the floor, waiting to be torn into shreds. Luckily Mia and Hans weren’t there, at Linn was probably sleeping, so he opened the door, walked to the kitchen, and grabbed a knife. He came back into his room, not bothering to close the door, and went ham on his clothes. He ripped them apart, yelling with rage. His yells turned into wails, which soon enough, turned into sobs. He sobbed like crazy, couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down his cheeks. He didn’t mind it though, because at least he wasn’t numb. He wasn’t numb. 

 

He continued to shred his clothes, until he had nothing left to shred, except the ones on his body. He took them off, and saw the tear stains that were on them, and fell onto his bed, crying harder than ever.  His head was pounding, as if someone was punching him nonstop. It was all starting to feel like too much was happening. He dropped his clothes, too sad to continue, and threw the knife to the floor. He was done with feeling, and flipped the switch. 

 

Now, he did what he didn’t want to do, only because he couldn’t help it. It was too much to consume and take in all at once. So he took the easy way out. He turned numb. He didn’t get up to clean the mess he made, figuring that he would in a minute. 

 

That didn’t happen. He fell asleep in the darkness of his room. He couldn’t even dream of anything except blackness. 

 

***

Hans came home at around 8 in the morning. He went to a club the night before, to try and get his mind off of the discussion he had with Matteo. He knew Mia was with Hanna, and than Linn was probably in her room, same with Matteo. He wasn’t expecting the sight he saw. 

 

The door to Matteo’s room was open wide, and he could see everything that he did the night before. There were shards of glass on the floor, piling up even, due to the amount of things he smashed. There was a mountain of clothes, or better worded, pieces of clothes. Hans could see the gash marks and rips on the clothes, and saw the knife laying right next to them. He saw the open closet door, and gasped when he realized there was nothing in there, meaning that he ruined his entire wardrobe. 

 

He looked at the sight on the bed. It was Matteo, laying on his stomach, naked. Hans wished he would’ve just had a movie night in the flat, so he could’ve prevented whatever Matteo did from happening. 

 

He was filled to the brim with worry, and searched for a broom and trash bag instantly. He found the supplies, and began sweeping the mess out of the way, so he would be able to enter the room. When enough glass was moved to the side, he went straight for Matteo, checking to see if he had any cuts, blood, or anything that indicated that he performed self harm. There was nothing. Thank god. 

 

He shook Matteo, saying his name over and over until he heard a mumble. 

 

“Matteo! Matteo! Wake up for me please butterfly!”

 

“Mmm,” was all Matteo could get out. 

 

“Hey! Open your eyes, if you can,” Hans pleaded.

 

Matteo squinted, the light too bright to open them fully. “Leave me alone,” he paused, “please.”

 

“Okay, but I’m going to pick up the glass on the floor, so don’t get up.”

 

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

 

Hans swept the floor and fast as he could, putting the glass and clothes inside the bag. He put the bag by the front door, and came back to Matteo's room to try again. “Butterfly, I’m going to let you borrow some of my clothes. I’ll be right back.”

 

He ran to his room, finding some briefs, sweatpants, and shirts he could lend Matteo. He found some, and went to Matteo once again, telling him to put on some clothes, at the very least. Matteo complied and slowly but surely, changed into them. 

 

Hans knew Matteo got like this at times, but he never destroyed anything like he did this time. He granted Matteo’s wish of wanting to be left alone, but before shutting the door, noticed Matteo’s cracked phone. He took it with him, so that during the week he could get the screen fixed. 

 

“I’m taking your phone with me. Is that alright?”

 

“Ok,” was all he got.

 

“Let me know if you need anything, I’m just a yell away.”

 

“Mhm.”

 

And with that, Hans shut the door and left Matteo alone. 

 

***

 

Matteo’s phone wouldn’t stop vibrating Sunday morning. Hans opened up his messages, seeing that Amira kept going on about their need to study biology for the Abi. He sighed, and typed out a quick response. 

 

**To Amira:**

 

_Hey, this is Hans. Matteo isn’t in the best headspace right now, so he can’t make it. Sorry, but I’ll keep you updated._

 

 **From** **Amira:**

 

_Oh ok. Tell him I hope he gets better. And maybe see if his friends can help him get better._

 

 **To** **Amira:**

 

_Thanks. Will do._

 

He clicked out of the chat with Amira and went to the chat with his friends. ‘Ok.cool’ was the name of the chat and Hans rolled his eyes. What a name. He typed up a message for them. 

 

**Matteo:**

 

_Hey guys, it’s Hans. Matteo isn’t really feeling the best. There was a bunch of broken glass on the floor and his clothes were ripped up when I got home. I think it would make him feel better if you guys came over._

 

**Jonas:**

 

_We’ll be over in 15._

 

It took less than that, actually. He heard a knock on the door. He ran to it and opened it, and before him stood Jonas, Carlos, and Abdi. 

 

He told them that Matteo might not be in a talking mood, but they should still try to comfort him. He walked them to Matteo’s door and thanked them for coming. 

 

“It’s not problem,” Carlos stated. 

 

“We should be thanking you.” Abdi exclaimed. 

 

Hans proceeded to open the door for them and they all saw Matteo, lying on his stomach, this time in Hans’ clothes. 

 

“Hey buddy,” Jonas said, and they walked into the room. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it


End file.
